Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Me Me Me Me, Too!

Inspired by (and blatantly plagiarized from) Bombadee.

A Johari Window is a metaphorical tool intented to help people better understand their interpersonal communication and relationships.

A Nohari Window is the inversion of the Johari window, and is a collection of negative personality traits instead of positive.

Plus it's a fun way to get the people that read your blog and even some that don't to comment on your personality. So without further ado let the judging begin! No really it'll be fun. You don't even have to give your name, just enter "Anonymous" so I can spend the next several days trying to figure out who called me a callous, insensitive, mature extrovert. Then we will oil up and throw down...cause them there's fightin' words, beeyatch!

Here is my Johari Window and my Nohari Window.
(Don't cheat and look at how I described myself first.)

Make one for yourself, post your link and I'll return the favor!

Monday, August 28, 2006

Spready-Open-Thingy

Sorry I’ve been so absent lately, I’ve been studying for a certification my employer is requiring me to obtain. Good news is that I passed the first of two exams I need for the certification last Friday so I thought I would take a few days off from non-stop studying and post. Here is a story I’ve been meaning to share for a few weeks now:

Warning: To my good pal Dan...you will want to stop reading at this point.

My daughter Doody is 11 1/2 years old and knee deep in the waters of puberty. My mother never had detailed discussions with me when I was going through these changes and I always said when I had daughters I would be very open and up front with them. Rather than talk about things that happened to her body after the fact, I would have ongoing conversations beforehand to prepare her and give her a sense of comfort. Reassure her all girls go through these changes; it is a normal and exciting time in her life. My Doody is quite small compared to other girls in her sixth grade class, but has recently reached the point where a bra is necessary under fitted, knit tops. Jeff and I have never been modest around our kids when it comes to nudity; they are visually aware of the differences between males and females. We have always made it a point to teach the proper names for body parts; no tweeters, boobies, ding-a-lings or so forth…we have vaginas, breasts and penises at the House of Tot. About a year and a half ago, Doody and I began reading some educational books on puberty. I was surprised when I began looking how hard it was to find material that didn’t go from your period to sex in just a few short pages. While I have always answered her questions with honest straightforwardness, I didn’t feel it was necessary to go from bras, cramps and tampons to orgasms, condoms and fellatio in one sitting. There is mention of eggs (after all they do discuss the menstrual cycle) and the clitoris is in the “parts” section but nothing I found to be overtly sexual. If any of you are looking, here are some great titles I did find that we slowly read together chapter by chapter:

The Period Book, Updated Edition: Everything You Don't Want to Ask (But Need to Know) by Karen Gravelle

Period.: A Girl's Guide to Menstruation With a Parents Guide
by JoAnn Loulan, Bonnie Worthen

Growing Up: It's a Girl Thing (It's a Girl Thing)
by Mavis Jukes

Just a few warnings of things that may occur as you and your daughter are having these discussions:

One of the chapters in The Period Book is focused on the physical parts to our bodies. Vagina, labia minora and majora, etc. It had an illustrated drawing and then a short paragraph describing each part. We get to the clitoris paragraph where it describes it as a “button like piece flesh” used for the “female’s pleasure during sex.” At the end of each chapter I would always ask, “What questions do you have about what we just read?” Be prepared for “What is that button thing used for again?”

Tampons can be scary. Think back to the first time you thought of putting something “up there”. Doody and I were talking about how to put a tampon in when she wondered how she could practice, without actually putting one in. (That’s my girl…I’ve always stressed the importance of practicing) We figured out if you hold your hand in a clenched fist, your daughter can practice the basics of tampon insertion over and over again.

One book talked about how if you have a little brother you can easily tell what a boy’s private parts look like because they are on the outside of his body. Girls parts are on more on the inside, so it suggested using a hand mirror and taking a look at yourself. A few hours after we read this, Doody was in the bathroom taking her shower when I heard the door open and “Psst…Mom…can you come here a minute?” I walked in the bathroom and as she shut the door, I noticed she had a mirror in her hand. She asked, “I’m having trouble doing the mirror thing, can you help me?” It took every ounce of bravery and acting ability I had in me to exude ease and comfort as my daughter lay on the floor spread eagle with me squatted down holding a mirror between her legs as she went down the list, “Now that’s my ‘this’ and that’s my ‘that’…” I’m so glad she was comfortable enough to ask me, but truth be told, I wanted to run to China.

Now that she is past her pre-pubescence and anxiously awaiting the any-time-now arrival of her period I thought I would introduce her to the dreaded “annual exam”. Not have an exam of course, but go with me to mine. When I was a teenager, the thought of going to a gynecologist was the most frightening and sickening thing ever, especially if the doctor was a man. I want my daughters to feel comfortable at their doctor’s office and not look at such appointments as something sinister, creepy or sexual in nature. My date was a couple of weeks ago, so I took the day off work and she joined me for my appointment and a day of shopping…some girl time. On the way to the clinic I tell her what is going to happen; weight, questions, blood pressure, heart and lungs, breast exam and finally the pelvic exam. We discussed the tools the gynecologist would use, how he would use them, why he was using them and I told her in my opinion what it felt like. Now don’t misunderstand me, she didn’t get front row seats behind the doctor’s shoulder. There was a sheet covering my legs and I asked if she would be more comfortable sitting in the chairs at my side or to stand up by my head. She said she was fine in the chairs and curiously watched everything with an appropriate PG rated view. Back in the car on the way to shopping, I asked Doody if anything was scary for her. Her response? “Just the spready-open thingy.” How right she is.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

R.I.P. TaterTot,1973-2059


According to this site, I have 53 years to go.


Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Thought Consolidation and Transfer

Where have I been? Busy. How’s my mood been? Rather pissy to be honest.

Kids: This week alone I have, between my two girls, five soccer practices over four nights. Look for me to have some “free time” in November. Baseball just ended three weeks ago; that didn’t feel like much of a break. It’s not so much that I mind it really; it just makes me feel very “scheduled” if that makes any sense. My life lacks spontaneity, and I miss it sometimes. My son, who turns three on September 11th, is still no where close to being potty trained and it sucks. I’m sick of diapers. I know “they” say that if your kids not ready, you’re not supposed to push the idea but…you know…I’m ready to push. I’m not one to sit back and patiently wait for him to come running to me one day declaring “I’ve decided to use the potty.” It was not his decision that he was ready to stop drinking out of a bottle, it was not his decision he was ready to move from the crib to a bed, he did not spontaneously start talking or counting or being polite. Jeff and I, as his parents, decided he was ready. We taught him these things. Why should potty training be any different? (Yeah, I know I’m dreaming here.)

Weekends: Are Crazy. I’m not complaining that people like me and invite me to stuff, but damn…I need a weekend off and simply do not have one for a very long time. What would I do with a weekend off? Most likely call everyone I know to see if they want to do something.

Money, Money, Money: We are really trying to save up some cash for our Vegas trip (in just a few weeks now) and don’t have what we wish we would have at this point. Gas prices have totally kicked our asses this summer, tripling what was our weekly fuel spending four months ago. Jeff and I finally went through our bank statements, it had been about two months since our last accounting, and found $348 worth of debit card charges we never recorded in our checkbook register. That seriously sucked and took up some of the funds we thought were set aside for vacation.

My Body: Stressing me out. My period has been all over the place for months now and for some reason I don’t understand I’ve been feeling really…no I mean REALLY crabby during “my time” for the past three months which is historically not like me. I haven’t lost the weight I wanted to lose before my trip and that has disappointed me. I had an appointment to get an ugly stepmother mole removed from my face and had to cancel due to the fact that it would have taken away funds from Vegas to pay for it, so that sucks too.

Work: I have to take a certification exam by December 29th or I lose my job. I’ve been studying my ass off for weeks (explaining my infrequent blog posting) and thought I was ready. I was taking practice tests on teaching software I have and was consistently getting 94%’s. Well, today I went online to take some practice exams from another source and have literally flunked them all. Not one site, four. Flunked. It costs over $300 just to take the exams and if I don’t pass them, work will not pay me back meaning I’m out that money. The pressure is horrible and I am not someone who does well on tests. On top of that, I have some coworkers who constantly make comments like “Why haven’t you taken that yet”…. “It’s not that hard”… “The longer you wait, the more pressure you’ll have”…. “What are you waiting for”. As if the pressure of possibly being out a large amount of money, having to retake the tests and/or losing my job wasn’t pressure enough. Thanks for the encouragement guys!

Family: My step-father disagreed with my Sister Sara’s decision to move to Arizona over a year ago and has refused to talk to her ever since. Refused to acknowledge her presence, even when she stood two feet away from him or sat at the same table with him (Christmas and Sister Stephanie’s college graduation were stained by this), refused to accept the Christmas gift she bought him (putting it in her car, unopened, when she wasn’t looking), etc. I mean, it has been a huge and horrible strain on the family for sometime now. My mother always sums it up with “I can control how he feels or what he does” which has always been her way to deal with his inexcusable behavior. Sara was unexpectedly home over the weekend when Lisa’s aunt passed away and she had to come back for the funeral. It was great seeing her; it’s funny how you forget how much you miss someone until you see them. Out of the blue, without a word to anyone my stepfather decides that Sara is worth talking to again. He literally just started talking to her as if nothing had happened over the past year. No one asked why, no apologies were offered, just called her up and asked her to do something with him as if he had talked with her yesterday. Now most people might think this is good news but for some reason it just pissed me off to no end. No one in the family will say a word to him about it, afraid to make him mad and change the fact that he “likes” her again…but damn…shouldn’t he be accountable for putting us all through such grief? Shouldn’t he at least say, “I’m sorry”?

Friends: Sometimes your differences with friends can be great and sometimes they can be uncomfortable. I’ve had some uncomfortable situations lately, mostly kept to myself. A blog I read recently reminded me that if we “focus on the differences or assign them too high a value, (we)'d probably have no friends.” But then went on to say, “On the other hand, if (we) ignore the differences, it isn't an honest relationship and (we)'ve lost an important opportunity to either learn and change my viewpoint or teach and change theirs.” Sometimes I wonder if my friendships could survive such honesty. My guess is some would and some wouldn't.

So there it is, thanks for listening.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Recently Found in the Filter Between my Brain and Mouth

  • “If you hate it here so much, leave.”
  • “I don’t like her very much.”
  • “She should have told you to shove it up your ass, I would have.”
  • “Declaring your communication to be great doesn’t make it great.”
  • “Children learn by example…what do you think you’re teaching yours?”
  • “I found you more interesting when you were miserable.”
  • “Rubbing my back for a half hour doesn’t turn me on, it puts me to sleep.”
  • “You’re an idiot and should be fired.”
  • "If you can't afford to feed the children you already have, why are you having more?"
  • Three “F*ck You’s” and two “God Dammit All To Hell’s”

Friday, August 11, 2006

Monday, August 07, 2006

You Make Me Feel Like Dancin'....

Just a few examples on why you should never take your camera to a gathering where dancing is on the agenda.

My kid sister apparently likes to lead with her butt, Bombadee is all about the arms and hip action while I make strange facial expressions and am under the unfortunate impression I should perform "the robot" in public.


Friday, August 04, 2006

And Your Little Dog, Too!

“Awesome”, exclaimed Mimi, as Miss Gulch flew across the stage ten feet in the air on her bicycle, having been caught in the throws of a Kansas twister. A few moments later she reappeared as the Wicked Witch of the West, “to satisfy an itch, flying on her broomstick, thumbing for a hitch. Oh what happened then was rich”. Children everywhere were leaned forward, barely hanging on to the edge of theirs seats eager to be just a few inches closer to the magic, mesmerized by the costumes, music, lights and fog. Adults could be seen mouthing the words not only to the familiar songs but also to the dialogue, carved into memory since they were first introduced to the enchanting world of Oz. A place where you “get up at twelve and start to work at one, take an hour for lunch and then at two we're done!”

The girls and I traveled with Oo-Ma last night to Timber Lake Playhouse to see “The Wizard of Oz” performed on stage. It was simply divine. A wonderful and small log cabin-esque theatre surrounded by trees, sitting on the charming Timber Lake. You would expect a resort playhouse of this size and obscurity to put on a production that looked like something you would have seen in grade school, with mommy-made costumes and crackling, untrained voices. To my surprise, it was a very professional staging complete with hidden microphones, suspension system (for the witch and flying monkeys, of course), lightening, melting witches, fantastic singing and dancing, explosions that had everyone jumping in their chairs…

Simply put, it was a brilliant evening.

I was ecstatic to see their 2007 Summer Season to include The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, Dracula and Irving Berlins White Christmas. I can’t wait.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Lord help the mister, who comes between me and my...

Backstory: Sara is the oldest of the three sisters who not very long ago moved far, far away to a land where we no longer share Sunday brunches, dinners at the grill, baseball games with nieces, bitching sessions about the parental units, shopping trips to Target or evenings of beer drinking and card playing…

Emails with (little) Sister Stephie this morning:

Sister Stephie:
Hey, this song reminds me of Sara. What do you think? Think she would kill me if I sent it to her? Way too sappy? I am just listening to it on CD right now…weird, I thought.

My Wish - Rascal Flatts
I hope that days come easy and moments pass slow,
and each road leads you where you want to go,
and if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
if it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

More then anything, more then anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it,
to your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more then you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
all the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
and you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
and you always give more then you take.

Oh More then anything, Yeah, and more then anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it,
to your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more then you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

TaterTot:
Don’t ever send me something like that at work again or I will be forced to get all “big sister” on you and pull your hair or something. With that said, no she wouldn’t kill you and no it’s not too sappy. Go ahead and send it.


Sister Stephie:
Why the big sister?


TaterTot:
Am I not your sister? Am I not bigger than you? Hence…I’m your big sister.


Sister Stephie:
But, why would you have to pull that because of my email…..duh…Did it make you all warm and fuzzy inside, or did you cry like a baby in front of your coworkers…what?

TaterTot:
Warm, fuzzy and weepy…I prefer to maintain my hardcore, butch facade at work if you don’t mind.


Sister Stephie:
Ok, so I know, I am blonde and just didn’t get it at first, but now I am reading your mail. Ha
Sorry about that, it won’t happen again.


Wednesday, August 02, 2006

A Day Set Aside for Education

Things I learned on my day off yesterday:

> Another name for a speculum is "spready open thingy". (more to come on this one)

> Sparkly coral is not a color I should ever wear.

> There are stores that sell dresses to WOMEN my size (18) that shouldn't even be worn on people my sisters size (6).

> A size 16 in the WOMENS section will sometimes fit, while a size 16 in the MISSES section won't.

> Lunch at the mall can be an opportunity to learn new languages:

  • "Avast thar -- be ye frien-er-foe?" translates to "Hold it, are you good or bad?" according to LaLa's Happy Meal.
  • "Xue-sheng" translates to "student" according to my fortune cookie.

> For the right price, even I will buy a hoochie-mama dress that can only be worn in Vegas (or Halloween). Don't worry, I'll post pictures.

> Trying on sparkly, bright, shiny, bedazzled dresses with Bombadee, her 2 year old daughter La and my 11 year old daughter is the most fun ever on a day off.

Thanks for a lovely, and educational, day.