Thought Consolidation and Transfer

Where have I been? Busy. How’s my mood been? Rather pissy to be honest.

Kids: This week alone I have, between my two girls, five soccer practices over four nights. Look for me to have some “free time” in November. Baseball just ended three weeks ago; that didn’t feel like much of a break. It’s not so much that I mind it really; it just makes me feel very “scheduled” if that makes any sense. My life lacks spontaneity, and I miss it sometimes. My son, who turns three on September 11th, is still no where close to being potty trained and it sucks. I’m sick of diapers. I know “they” say that if your kids not ready, you’re not supposed to push the idea but…you know…I’m ready to push. I’m not one to sit back and patiently wait for him to come running to me one day declaring “I’ve decided to use the potty.” It was not his decision that he was ready to stop drinking out of a bottle, it was not his decision he was ready to move from the crib to a bed, he did not spontaneously start talking or counting or being polite. Jeff and I, as his parents, decided he was ready. We taught him these things. Why should potty training be any different? (Yeah, I know I’m dreaming here.)

Weekends: Are Crazy. I’m not complaining that people like me and invite me to stuff, but damn…I need a weekend off and simply do not have one for a very long time. What would I do with a weekend off? Most likely call everyone I know to see if they want to do something.

Money, Money, Money: We are really trying to save up some cash for our Vegas trip (in just a few weeks now) and don’t have what we wish we would have at this point. Gas prices have totally kicked our asses this summer, tripling what was our weekly fuel spending four months ago. Jeff and I finally went through our bank statements, it had been about two months since our last accounting, and found $348 worth of debit card charges we never recorded in our checkbook register. That seriously sucked and took up some of the funds we thought were set aside for vacation.

My Body: Stressing me out. My period has been all over the place for months now and for some reason I don’t understand I’ve been feeling really…no I mean REALLY crabby during “my time” for the past three months which is historically not like me. I haven’t lost the weight I wanted to lose before my trip and that has disappointed me. I had an appointment to get an ugly stepmother mole removed from my face and had to cancel due to the fact that it would have taken away funds from Vegas to pay for it, so that sucks too.

Work: I have to take a certification exam by December 29th or I lose my job. I’ve been studying my ass off for weeks (explaining my infrequent blog posting) and thought I was ready. I was taking practice tests on teaching software I have and was consistently getting 94%’s. Well, today I went online to take some practice exams from another source and have literally flunked them all. Not one site, four. Flunked. It costs over $300 just to take the exams and if I don’t pass them, work will not pay me back meaning I’m out that money. The pressure is horrible and I am not someone who does well on tests. On top of that, I have some coworkers who constantly make comments like “Why haven’t you taken that yet”…. “It’s not that hard”… “The longer you wait, the more pressure you’ll have”…. “What are you waiting for”. As if the pressure of possibly being out a large amount of money, having to retake the tests and/or losing my job wasn’t pressure enough. Thanks for the encouragement guys!

Family: My step-father disagreed with my Sister Sara’s decision to move to Arizona over a year ago and has refused to talk to her ever since. Refused to acknowledge her presence, even when she stood two feet away from him or sat at the same table with him (Christmas and Sister Stephanie’s college graduation were stained by this), refused to accept the Christmas gift she bought him (putting it in her car, unopened, when she wasn’t looking), etc. I mean, it has been a huge and horrible strain on the family for sometime now. My mother always sums it up with “I can control how he feels or what he does” which has always been her way to deal with his inexcusable behavior. Sara was unexpectedly home over the weekend when Lisa’s aunt passed away and she had to come back for the funeral. It was great seeing her; it’s funny how you forget how much you miss someone until you see them. Out of the blue, without a word to anyone my stepfather decides that Sara is worth talking to again. He literally just started talking to her as if nothing had happened over the past year. No one asked why, no apologies were offered, just called her up and asked her to do something with him as if he had talked with her yesterday. Now most people might think this is good news but for some reason it just pissed me off to no end. No one in the family will say a word to him about it, afraid to make him mad and change the fact that he “likes” her again…but damn…shouldn’t he be accountable for putting us all through such grief? Shouldn’t he at least say, “I’m sorry”?

Friends: Sometimes your differences with friends can be great and sometimes they can be uncomfortable. I’ve had some uncomfortable situations lately, mostly kept to myself. A blog I read recently reminded me that if we “focus on the differences or assign them too high a value, (we)'d probably have no friends.” But then went on to say, “On the other hand, if (we) ignore the differences, it isn't an honest relationship and (we)'ve lost an important opportunity to either learn and change my viewpoint or teach and change theirs.” Sometimes I wonder if my friendships could survive such honesty. My guess is some would and some wouldn't.

So there it is, thanks for listening.