Surrounded in Death

On the way home from Abi's junior high open house this evening Sugar asked us to pop in one of his (annoying) nursery rhyme CD's. Something I hear grabs my attention and I find myself focusing intently on the lyrics, being sung by obviously very young children with sweet, high pitched voices. Of course this is not the first time I have listed to these songs, having been a small child once myself, but I'm not sure I ever really put any thought into the words I would sing skipping down the sidewalk. Until tonight that is. So here I am in the front seat listening to my three kids in the back , singing along gleefully...

GO TELL AUNT RHODY
THE OLD GREY GOOSE IS DEAD
GRANDPA FOUND HER DYING
IN THE MILLPOND ON HER HEAD

THE GANDER WON'T EAT NOW
GANDER WON'T EAT NOW
BECAUSE HIS WIFE IS DEAD

LET'S PRAY FOR THE BABIES
PRAY FOR THE BABIES
BECAUSE THEIR MAMA'S DEAD

This prompted me to do some reasearch on nursery rhymes when I arrived home. We all know the common theme in many Disney movies to be death. Parental death to be more exact, i.e. Cinderella, Snow White, Lion King, Bambi, Tarzan. I suppose I never realized until I did some Googling how much death has inspired so many of the nursery rhymes we all learned and innocently sang as children. I read stories with references to the Bubonic Plague and Mary Mary Quite Contrary torturing poor souls and burning them at the stake. At that point I thought I had better stop before I lost all my enjoyment of Humpty Dumpty falling off that damn wall. Poor egg.

I also have to throw in there, since this is my blog and I can say what I want, that I also found this particular verse interesting for alltogether different reasons:

COCK A DOODLE DOO,
MY DAME WILL DANCE WITH YOU,
WHILE MASTER FIDDLES HIS FIDDLING STICK,
FOR DAME AND DOODLE DOO.

~snicker~

The Big B

Working on some computer installations in a clinic department this afternoon, I saw my arch enemy. While we work for the same company she normally isn't on my side of town, the doctor she works for must have been on call today. I don’t think she saw me, but I’m not sure. By the time I looked up she had already turned around to take a patient back to an exam room. I knew it was her immediately as she has changed little in the years since the day I last saw her. The day I stood as Matron of Honor in her wedding. Without question, the most uncomfortable day of my life. I have no desire to reopen that hurt by typing the story, but will say that the way I navigate friendships has been altered because of her. I have made new, good friends but keep them at arms distance. First signs of trouble and I will easily bail; remove myself from an uncomfortable situation before it becomes agonizing.

Knowing I had to spend several more hours in the department I began to prepare my reaction should I come face to face with the person who wounded me so dreadfully. The person who made me realize you should never expect a friendship to last forever. The person who showed me how easily you can be inseparable one day and amputated the next. The person who serves as my excuse to drop friends like batter on a cookie sheet when times get tough. The person who taught me to never give another friend more than I am willing to lose. The person who made me believe friendships should never be difficult and if they are reconsider their place in your life. The person I thought I would punch in the face should I ever come face to face with again.

So, what would I have said to this person?

“Hello Brenda, how are you?”

Yeah, I’m a badass.

P.S. I never saw her again, all afternoon.

Rediscovery

I revisited this site tonight for the first time in ages after receiving an email asking permission to delete a blog a friend and I had created some time ago that has outlived it purpose. It prompted me to consider whether or not the same fate should befall TaterTotsThoughts.

TaterTot really doesn’t exist anymore, she has been suppressed by a new and more powerful alter ego…BoomBoom Martini. I have been wooed by the derby in recent months and have so little time outside family, work and new mistress that this blog site has been left to rot. My life is no longer ruled by spontaneous trips to the park or last minute game nights with friends, but rather by a red leather day planner with very few empty squares. My response when asked if I or my family is available has become, “I will have to check the Red Book of Life and let you know.”

So, what is to happen with this site? Looking back over the old posts brings a smile to my face whether it is pictures and stories about the kids, my hardass opinions or funny tales of evenings out with girlfriends.

I think I will keep it around for awhile and maybe begin to share some of the current goings on in my life. Spending some time looking back tonight made me realize this site isn’t for those who may read from time to time, but more for me. A reminder.

So what would I share of my weekend?

Friday night was spent skating at the Pines. We took Isaac for his first skate and he lasted about 10 minutes. Thankfully Jeff and I predicted this and brought two cars so I could spend the rest of my evening skating with the girls, their friends and PBW. I tell you, if you want to have an interesting conversation talk with a 24 year old jam skating man slut. Hilariously tragic.

Saturday my Mom and I traveled to Chicago to see Wicked. Words cannot express my awe and love of this production. At intermission, I was pissed because I didn’t want it to stop. Fifteen minutes? I can’t wait fifteen minutes! At the end, tears rolled down my cheeks and I immediately wanted to know how long the run was…could I afford a second show? My girls really, really need to see this show. Everyone really, really needs to see this show. Unfortunately, I will not make it to the current Chicago run of The Color Purple, but in its place at the Cadillac Theatre beginning in October is Phantom of the Opera. I have this entire soundtrack memorized, but have never seen the show and can’t wait!

Saturday evening was spent with our pals Ben, Jami and Emma watching UFC 76. We had a great time and predict many more such evenings in the future. Thanks again Jami and I can’t wait for the next Sushi Committee meeting.

Today was filled with breakfast at the parental units, rearranging of our storage items currently being housed in their garage, afternoon naps, grilled pork chops, the Bears game and some computer time.

There are so many more things I could type here, such as:

• Roller Derby (it would take too long to catch up, so we’ll just start from here)
• My Sobriety Trial (lasted 18 days)
• Friendships: Newfound, Rediscovered and Ebbing
• The Mini-Martinis
• Mr. Martini: Caught with Cigarettes and His Explanation
• The LONG Tale of How We Have Sold Our House Twice But Still Haven’t Sold It

For now, I will just leave you with this…the Bears are playing afterall and the game is calling me.

Change of Scenery

We're attempting to get our house ready for the market in the next four weeks and right now are at the point usually described as "it always looks worse before it looks better". While I love our home, we have simply grown beyond its capacity. Five beings in a two-bedroom abode is not an ideal living arrangement so we are looking for bigger and better...and unfortunately with that comes more expensive. This is our hefty "To-Do" list in the next four weeks:

• - upgrade electric service and install new breaker box (scheduled for May 3rd)
• - new roof on the carport
• - paint the bathroom (which I steamed the wallpaper off of on Thursday for 6 1/2 hours)
• - new floor trim in bathroom
• - new floor in kitchen
• - new floor trim in kitchen
• - paint one kitchen cupboard
• - paint kitchen counter shelf
• - replace kitchen faucet
• - repaint floor trim in kitchen
• - empty and clean basement which includes packing crap
• - paint basement
• - clean garage
• - scrape two windows (that Jeff painted the trim on two years ago and never scrapped)
• - remove pond from backyard and replace with something inexpensive
• - replace door on girls bedroom (buy, drill, stain, seal and hang)
• - fix or replace lighting on front walkway
• - general yard clean-up and mulch replacement
• - random touch-up painting throughout house
• - CLEAN, CLEAN, CLEAN, CLEAN, CLEAN!!!

The good news is that it looks as if we can do all of these things for under $2000, the bad news is it will be a lot of work. Since I am overwhelmed to say the least, I thought I would make a change in my life that was fun and easy...so here's introducing my new blog skin inspired by the many thoughts swimming around in my head. I hope you like it.

P.S. As I was typing this post, I broke a nail. Fu**!

Dear God...

The Color Purple has long been known as my favorite movie. Without fail I cry every single time it graces the screen, and I'm not someone who is known for crying very often (I'm made of stone...remember). The story moves me in a way very few ever have. It’s about strength, heartache, survival, faith, the human spirit but most notably it’s a story of love. Love between sisters, love between friends, but most importantly the love you have for yourself. I once had a friend who had never seen it and I was so excited to share it with her…and she simply didn’t get it and my heart was broken. (No, we’re not friends anymore) Who wouldn’t be mesmerized by lines like these:

Shug: Yeah, Celie. Everything wanna be loved. Us sing and dance, and holla just wanting to be loved. Look at them trees. Notice how the trees do everything people do to get attention... except walk?

Celie: The jail you plan for me is the one you're gonna rot in.

Sophia: All my life I had to fight. I had to fight my daddy. I had to fight my uncles. I had to fight my brothers. A girl child ain't safe in a family of men, but I ain't never thought I'd have to fight in my own house!

Shug: See Daddy, sinners have souls too.

Celie: I'm poor, black, I may even be ugly, but dear God I'm here, I'm here!

While I have seen the movie well over a hundred times, I only recently bought the novel and have been reading it slowly chapter by chapter, savoring each word not wanting to reach the end. The musical opens in Chicago on April 19th and I will be taking Sister Stephanie for her 23rd birthday in May. In anticipation I recently downloaded the soundtrack on my iPod and have been amazed with what I've heard.

I recently had a talk with some of my girlfriends and found it difficult to articulate my faith and explain my self-esteem. These songs help to say it for me, The Color Purple and I’m Here:

The Color Purple

CELIE: God forgot about me!
SHUG: God takin' his time getting around to you, I admit, but look at all he give us. Laughin', and singin', and sex. Sky over our heads, birds singin' to us. I think it piss God off if anybody even walk past the color purple in a field and not notice it. He say, "look what I made for you."
CELIE: God just another man, far as I'm concerned, he triflin' and lowdown . . .
SHUG: No, Celie. God not some gloomy old man like the pictures you've seen of him.God not a man at all.
GOD IS INSIDE YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE
THAT WAS OR EVER WILL BE.
WE COME INTO THIS WORLD WITH GOD.
BUT ONLY THEM WHO LOOK INSIDE FIND IT.
GOD IS THE FLOWERS AND EVERYTHING ELSE
THAT WAS OR EVER WILL BE.
AND WHEN YOU FEEL THE TRUTH SO REAL,
AND WHEN YOU LOVE THE WAY YOU FEEL, YOU'VE FOUND IT
JUST AS SURE AS MOONLIGHT BLESS THE NIGHT.
LIKE A BLADE OF CORN,
LIKE A HONEYBEE,
LIKE A WATERFALL,
ALL A PART OF ME.
LIKE THE COLOR PURPLE,
WHERE DO IT COME FROM?
OPEN UP YOUR EYES,
LOOK WHAT GOD HAS DONE.
CELIE
DEAR GOD, DEAR STARS, DEAR TREES, DEAR SKY,
DEAR PEOPLES, DEAR EVERYTHING, DEAR GOD,
GOD IS INSIDE ME AND EVERYONE ELSE
THAT WAS OR EVER WILL BE.
I CAME INTO THIS WORLD WITH GOD
AND WHEN I FINALLY LOOKED INSIDE, I FOUND IT,
JUST AS CLOSE AS MY BREATH IS TO ME.

I’m Here

CELIE:
I'M GONNA SING OUT . . .SING OUT.
I BELIEVE I HAVE INSIDE OF ME
EVERYTHING THAT I NEED TO LIVE A BOUNTIFUL LIFE.
WITH ALL THE LOVE ALIVE IN ME
I'LL STAND AS TALL AS THE TALLEST TREE.
AND I'M
THANKFUL FOR EVERYDAY THAT I'M GIVEN,
BOTH THE EASY AND HARD ONES I'M LIVIN'.
BUT MOST OF ALL
I'M THANKFUL FOR
LOVING WHO I REALLY AM.
I'M BEAUTIFUL.
YES, I'M BEAUTIFUL,
AND I'M HERE.

This TaterTot is as Hard as a Rock...

It was decided after and long and insightful discussion on such topics as feminism, politics and faith that the following picture would be an appropriate representation of me.

Apparently I am made of stone.

But I believe that those who are around me and chip away long enough will someday find my elusive gooey center.