My daughters enjoy playing sports. Both Abigail and Emi have played softball, basketball and soccer in our Small Smug Town’s park district leagues since the age of 5, they are now 9 and 11. This is the first time I have had an issue with how the coach has chosen to run the team.
Abigail is playing in the 5th/6th grade girls only softball league where she is considered 5th grade. Up until now, her teams have utilized a pitching machine; this is her first year the girls actually pitch. This also marks the first year I have to travel to other Small Towns for at least half of her games, putting a huge burden on a parent with another child playing on the same nights in different towns, at different times (Jeff works second shift, so Monday-Friday I’m what you might call a “single parent”).
There are four 5th graders on her team and all are in the same boat as my daughter; benchwarmers. I have sat through four games as of this morning and watched as the same set of 6th graders have started, and played every game. There are literally girls that have been in every inning of every game. I must admit, we have a pretty good team. Our pitcher is the best I have seen on any of the teams this year and our first several games were called in the 5th inning by the 10-run rule. In these games, my daughter has been allowed to join play in the 4th, and final, inning which often ends halfway through when the other team doesn’t manage to get any runs. I actually found myself rooting for the other team to score more runs on Monday night, just so my kid could play more. Last night, we were behind by one at the end of the 3rd inning, so I was excited for Abi to get more playtime with the game not being called early. 4th inning, no Abi. 5th inning, no Abi. 6th and final inning, Abi is finally up to bat. She hits a line drive down the third baseline but is out at first. Her team doesn’t manage to get any runs, so the game is over before she gets to play whichever outfield position she usually gets assigned.
Now some may say that this is fair, she doesn’t have the same level of skill as some of the other players and is in the “younger half” of the team. But I would argue that point. This is NOT a team you tryout for and do not make if you suck. This is a park district organized league. District member’s signup and pay the same entry fee, regardless of skill level. These should be the teams our children learn the game and hone their skills, so they are prepared for junior high and high school tryouts. I asked Abi last night how many times her coach has taught the girls how to pitch, it being their first year in need of this skill. “None, his daughter pitches all of the games.” I asked Abi how many times she has suited up to be catcher in practice. “None, the other coach’s daughter is the catcher.” There are several 6th graders on the team, including one of the coach’s daughters, which are very intimidating and snotty to the younger girls. Abi recently colored her hair bright orange for fun and when one of her older teammates saw her, I overheard “that’s ugly, you should go home a scrub it out.” I was very proud when I heard my daughter respond, “I like my hair and think it looks pretty” and walk away.
Now, our Small Smug Town has enough girls at this level to split into two teams. I spoke with the coach from the other team last night and she explained to me how they have a rotation schedule to ensure equality in playtime. They have dedicated “pitching practices” where all of the girls on the team have the chance to learn. We definitely drew the short stick when it came to team assignments.
I have encouraged Abi to give 100% at every practice, and cheer for her teammates from the bench. When I see the disappointment in her face at the end of the game, I tell her that when she does play to show the coach and her team how hard she tries, how much she wants to play and hopefully they will see this and include her more. Others have encouraged me to pull her from the team, but I have always taught my girls that when you make a commitment you fulfill it. She is a member of this team, benchwarmer or not, and she is responsible to meet that obligation through the entire season.
I really didn’t want to, but following much thought last night, I have decided to have what I’m sure will be an uncomfortable conversation with the coach at tonight’s game.
I’m hoping it will go something like this:
“I’m a little embarrassed to have to ask, but could you explain to me why there is such an imbalance in playtime for the girls?”
And NOT like this:
“Listen here prick, either my kid will have the same opportunity as all of these snotty-ass 6th grade bitches or I will totally ERA your ass.”
I’m also responsible to teach my children that it’s important, no vital to stand up for equality.
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9 comments:
I am livid reading your post. I got your back and if the Casseroles need to come and pop a cap in some idiot's ass you just let us know.
Greenbean will represent and Coach Bigot better recognize.
Your daughter is a sweetheart. She will stick this out like a champ I think. Good for her and her hair too! I thought it was CUTE!
i really hate shit like this. i work with kids all the time, and no matter what, when it's a group effort - everyone in the group participates. no exceptions! what they're doing is wrong. and you have to question their motivation. be bold and call them on this! what's wrong with stirring the pot when the shit starts stinking? the worst thing that's gonna happen is they're gonna talk about you behind your back. do you really care? and maybe they are just oblivious. maybe they're not trying to be neglagent. there's no reason to wonder. get you answer and change the world a little. go fer it!
I think there is a lesson being learned here already, something that applies out in the work force and the more I see it the more it pisses me off. In a nutshell: You're value as a person (be it on the ball field or in the boardroom) is directly related to who you know and how high up they are on the food chain.
What can I say, I'm having a bad day as well.
Mr. Blahzeeblah is right, most of the time it isn't what you know, it's who. That's how we've been graced with phrases like "You're doing a heck of a job Brownie".
(Also having an enraging day).
Wow! I have a friend that can hook you all up with prozak! Just kidding, Seriously this coach is not right in the head, I grew up with the whole baseball thing and he is expected to give equal play time to all and to teach them if they suck, if he is not willing to do this then he needs to go play with adults! He probably see's the potential in some of the kids including yours and is afraid they'll show his girls up or there is the he wishes he was doing this for a boys team and he doesn't take the girls seriously, Maybe he hasn't any clue what he's doing so he's doing it the easy way. Whatever the case stay your usual classy self and if he doesn't respond right then explain to the girl how this isn't fair or see how she feels about it and see if she'd rather play on another team. Good luck I hope he has a light bulb go on.
Sometimes the best example you can give your daughters is becoming the coach and showing them that women can direct sports just as well as men and often better because the macho nonsense goes out the window.
That's been my answer to fair gameplay.
Kerilla
That is an awesome idea Kerilla, but unfortunatley, not very easy for me. I have two daughters who play ball, at two different age groups meaning some nights I have two games, at two different times, in two different towns. My husband works second shift, so weeknight evenings I'm on my own for getting them where they need to be and cheering them on. On top of all that, I have my two-year-old son in tow for all of it.
I wish I could coach one of their teams.
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