Introducing Schweaty Man

Let me introduce you to one of my beloved co-workers: Schweaty Man. He is a republican, reservist, Boy Scout leader. He believes it is okay for the winning football team to take a knee with ninety seconds left on the clock and is a die hard Toby “we’ll put a boot in your ass, it’s the American way” Keith fan. Regardless of many of these things we actually get along swell. The day we discussed the Boy Scouts, I voiced my regret that if my son is gay he would not be welcome. He shared his idea that if my son is gay “he can go and create his own little troop”. Needless to say, we have respectfully agreed to disagree on many subjects.

Today, I overhear Schweaty Man and another tech discussing crime and punishment. They are verbalizing their disdain that when the jails are too full some detainees are released to make room for others. Their solutions were to either a) put them all on an island or b) shoot them. I suddenly think I am in a room with either Charlton Heston or my step-father. They continue their discussion now on capital punishment. Schweaty Man shared his view on how someone convicted of rape should be dealt with. It went something like this…lock them in an outhouse, take a rusty nail and put it in an orifice to remain unnamed, give them a dull knife and set the outhouse on fire. At this point I begin calling out “Dad, dad…where are you…I can hear you, but can’t see you”.

Schweaty Man disregarded me with his comment “don’t mind her, she’s one of those huggers.” HELLO…does no one listen to me? I do not like huggers, they frighten me.

Doesn't anyone get me?