Judgement: the forming of an opinion, estimate, notion, or conclusion, as from circumstances presented to the mind
I read a couple of interesting articles recently on Mommy’s in America and recently enjoyed Weeza’s post on her constant questioning/self-judgement of her own parenting abilities. One article focused on how judgemental mothers in America are of eachother:
What's the real measure of a ‘good mom’? Judging mothers has turned into a popular American pastime, many say
It hit a little closer to home for me than I would have liked. Looking at my own circle of friends, many of us parent our children differently and I have been known to make comments (mostly postitive, but some negative) on choices I see others make. Not that what they do is right or wrong, but more along the lines of saying I wouldn’t make the same choices. With the exception of verbal/physical abuse I would never tell a friend how they choose to raise their children is wrong. I give advice when asked for, but try to always throw in a disclaimer stating “this is what I would do, but you need to figure out what is best for you”. I will admit though I do make a judgement of someone based on how I see them raise/interact with their kids. I have always taught my kids that it is wrong to gauge someone’s value or make judgement based on something a person cannot change, i.e. skin color, handicap, sexual orientation, etc. Isn’t how we raise our children a choice? Is is wrong for me to make a judgement here? Are my friends not allowed to form an opinion of me based on my choices as a parent?
Tomorrow: Beware of the “Mommy Mafia”
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4 comments:
Can we actually help or make conscious decisions about what type of parent we will be? Yes, some of us can. I maintain there are those who have things happen to them and those who make things happen to them. Usually those that make things happen also take a conscious roll in raising their children. Do we have the right to judge? Absolutely! I judge people all the time. This is an invaluable defense mechanism.
I think the bigger questions are if a person is parenting through ignorance how much of an obligation do we have to try and help them? Personal obligation? Public obligation? How about if they’re a friend or relative? A stranger yanking on a kid’s arm in the isle at Walmart? A coworker? When do we get to turn a blind eye? When does intellectual or emotional neglect become abuse?
To me, this seems like one of those questions that is worth a lot of pondering, without coming up with a yes or no answer. We can't help but judge people based on our own values and beliefs...however, it seems there's a very fuzzy line between what is just flat out ignorant (such as raising your children in the KKK - ok, extreme, i know) and what is simply a different view on parenting that's not necessarily BAD, even though it might not match up with our own.
I think the only people who really deserve to be judged harshly as parents are those who abuse and neglect their children. It's too bad we all can't walk around like Supernanny and point out what we see other parents doing that is wrong and for them to be receptive to it, because I'm sure we could all learn something from an outside opinion!
Wouldn't that be fun! "walk around like Supernanny and point out what we see other parents doing that is wrong" LOL - perhaps one only needs the nanny outfit and the accent to get away with it?
She definitely gets away with a lot. People are so touchy about unexpected parenting criticism...I know I am!
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