Spready-Open-Thingy

Sorry I’ve been so absent lately, I’ve been studying for a certification my employer is requiring me to obtain. Good news is that I passed the first of two exams I need for the certification last Friday so I thought I would take a few days off from non-stop studying and post. Here is a story I’ve been meaning to share for a few weeks now:

Warning: To my good pal Dan...you will want to stop reading at this point.

My daughter Doody is 11 1/2 years old and knee deep in the waters of puberty. My mother never had detailed discussions with me when I was going through these changes and I always said when I had daughters I would be very open and up front with them. Rather than talk about things that happened to her body after the fact, I would have ongoing conversations beforehand to prepare her and give her a sense of comfort. Reassure her all girls go through these changes; it is a normal and exciting time in her life. My Doody is quite small compared to other girls in her sixth grade class, but has recently reached the point where a bra is necessary under fitted, knit tops. Jeff and I have never been modest around our kids when it comes to nudity; they are visually aware of the differences between males and females. We have always made it a point to teach the proper names for body parts; no tweeters, boobies, ding-a-lings or so forth…we have vaginas, breasts and penises at the House of Tot. About a year and a half ago, Doody and I began reading some educational books on puberty. I was surprised when I began looking how hard it was to find material that didn’t go from your period to sex in just a few short pages. While I have always answered her questions with honest straightforwardness, I didn’t feel it was necessary to go from bras, cramps and tampons to orgasms, condoms and fellatio in one sitting. There is mention of eggs (after all they do discuss the menstrual cycle) and the clitoris is in the “parts” section but nothing I found to be overtly sexual. If any of you are looking, here are some great titles I did find that we slowly read together chapter by chapter:

The Period Book, Updated Edition: Everything You Don't Want to Ask (But Need to Know) by Karen Gravelle

Period.: A Girl's Guide to Menstruation With a Parents Guide
by JoAnn Loulan, Bonnie Worthen

Growing Up: It's a Girl Thing (It's a Girl Thing)
by Mavis Jukes

Just a few warnings of things that may occur as you and your daughter are having these discussions:

One of the chapters in The Period Book is focused on the physical parts to our bodies. Vagina, labia minora and majora, etc. It had an illustrated drawing and then a short paragraph describing each part. We get to the clitoris paragraph where it describes it as a “button like piece flesh” used for the “female’s pleasure during sex.” At the end of each chapter I would always ask, “What questions do you have about what we just read?” Be prepared for “What is that button thing used for again?”

Tampons can be scary. Think back to the first time you thought of putting something “up there”. Doody and I were talking about how to put a tampon in when she wondered how she could practice, without actually putting one in. (That’s my girl…I’ve always stressed the importance of practicing) We figured out if you hold your hand in a clenched fist, your daughter can practice the basics of tampon insertion over and over again.

One book talked about how if you have a little brother you can easily tell what a boy’s private parts look like because they are on the outside of his body. Girls parts are on more on the inside, so it suggested using a hand mirror and taking a look at yourself. A few hours after we read this, Doody was in the bathroom taking her shower when I heard the door open and “Psst…Mom…can you come here a minute?” I walked in the bathroom and as she shut the door, I noticed she had a mirror in her hand. She asked, “I’m having trouble doing the mirror thing, can you help me?” It took every ounce of bravery and acting ability I had in me to exude ease and comfort as my daughter lay on the floor spread eagle with me squatted down holding a mirror between her legs as she went down the list, “Now that’s my ‘this’ and that’s my ‘that’…” I’m so glad she was comfortable enough to ask me, but truth be told, I wanted to run to China.

Now that she is past her pre-pubescence and anxiously awaiting the any-time-now arrival of her period I thought I would introduce her to the dreaded “annual exam”. Not have an exam of course, but go with me to mine. When I was a teenager, the thought of going to a gynecologist was the most frightening and sickening thing ever, especially if the doctor was a man. I want my daughters to feel comfortable at their doctor’s office and not look at such appointments as something sinister, creepy or sexual in nature. My date was a couple of weeks ago, so I took the day off work and she joined me for my appointment and a day of shopping…some girl time. On the way to the clinic I tell her what is going to happen; weight, questions, blood pressure, heart and lungs, breast exam and finally the pelvic exam. We discussed the tools the gynecologist would use, how he would use them, why he was using them and I told her in my opinion what it felt like. Now don’t misunderstand me, she didn’t get front row seats behind the doctor’s shoulder. There was a sheet covering my legs and I asked if she would be more comfortable sitting in the chairs at my side or to stand up by my head. She said she was fine in the chairs and curiously watched everything with an appropriate PG rated view. Back in the car on the way to shopping, I asked Doody if anything was scary for her. Her response? “Just the spready-open thingy.” How right she is.