Pal Criteria

My pal Duchess Jane is putting together a recipe for her ideal man. Reading some of her criteria, I realized I would not qualify (inability to produce sperm and the fact I am already spoken for aside). This made me think, what my criteria to be one of my pals are. Now let me explain, I have MANY friends and acquaintances. To be a pal, is a step above for me. Those you can count on through thick and thin. Here is what I have so far:

1. You must be a conversationalist. If you were to ask me what I prefer to do on a typical Saturday evening, it would be good dinner and stimulating dialogue with friends.
2. While it is not required you have your own children, you must like children (specifically mine). For years Jeff and I rarely brought our kids to “friend functions” because we were the only ones who had any. Now that most of our close circle of friends has kids, more of our gatherings are kid appropriate and I love it.
3. One of my biggest pet peeves is those who just don’t show up. Late I can handle, but not calling, emailing, etc. to inform someone you can’t make it (unless of course half your brother’s face is torn off or something similar) simply bothers me. It’s inconsiderate and makes me come up with weird scenarios of my friends hidden in a ditch where no one can help then after their harrowing car crash. I’m a worrier.
4. You must be willing to tell me when I any of the following occur:
   o I have a booger in my nose or something in my teeth
   o My choice of clothing makes me look fatter than I am
   o I look ridiculous in my light blue eyeshadow and/or sparkly lip gloss
   o I am too drunk to realize I am being obnoxious and too blunt (spoken from experience).
   o I need to relax and not be such a clean freak
   o I’m sure I will be adding to this list as the day goes on.
5. I promise to respect any ideals or morals you have that differ from me as long as you respect mine (and allow me to try to persuade you to the dark side).
6. If a life altering event occurs and I need a shoulder to cry on or someone to rant to, my good pals would make themselves available.
7. If a table of young girls is giggling at us, you are willing to lift your leg and rip a loud horrendous fart in their direction. See Bombadee post.
8. You are not embarrassed to talk openly about sex. Jenny fits this one nicely.
9. You enjoy a cocktail now and again, but are not someone who likes to be blind drunk at all social occasions.

I’m sure as the day goes on, I will be adding to my list. Feel free to offer any additions or changes.