I would like to preface with post with an admission to Beth. I lied to you twice.
#1 – I promised in an email dated February 20th that I would not blog about you. This post makes a liar out of me.
#2 – When I said “I don’t put my friends in order of most importance to least. They are all equally important to me.” I now realize I do put my friends in order of importance, and Jenny always has and always will come before you.The Conclusion of Jenny, Jennie and Angry Girl
Why does it seem so easy for Beth to say what it is she wants to with her keyboard? I remember telling Jeff months ago how odd I found it when I would be receiving emails from her all day how she thought her world was ending, crying at her desk for hours and we would get together that same evening and nothing. Casual chit chat, old stories, funny ha-ha's. Saturday night reminded me of just that.
At Beth's invitation, Jenny and I went to dinner with her Saturday night. In reponse to Beth, I have to admit she is right, I did not bring up what her blog post say she wanted to be brought up. I told Jenny going in that I had planned to keep quiet, afraid I would adversely affect any chance the two of them had at reconciliation. After all they had been friends for years, I had only known Beth for months. I suppose to be just, I should have told Beth the same up front. But also to be fair, I don't remember Beth uttering the sentence "so are we going to talk about this" either so her blog sermon about why she bothered with us and how it was a waste of time made no sense to me at all. If that is why she invited us out for dinner, then maybe she should have brought it up. Dan said Beth only invited us out so she and her friends could say mean things about us on the Internet (again). Dan was right – it was a setup and next time you advise me, I promise to listen. I found Jenny’s willingness to meet with her an incredibly forgiving and open-minded gesture considering some of the last things Beth actually said to or about her:
- “Just go away. You were a shitty friend and you were proud of that, you think that makes you some sort of strong liberated woman, when in reality you're just a self-centered bitch.”
- “She's like a rabid fucking dog sending me messages all night.”
- “With friends like her, you don't need enemies, you don't need stalkers, and you don't need emotionally abusive boyfriends. She'll fill every single void like that for you, and then she'll brag about how liberated and empowered she is for it.”
- “Foaming rabid dog, I tell you.”
- “If I ever even so much as see her again, I’ll punch her right in her stupidfucking mouth.”
- “FUCK OFF.”
Or some of the things her friends said to or about Jenny on Beth's blog:
- “You have a lot of fucking nerve.”
- “Isn't there a rock for you to crawl back under?”
- “Ya know, I feel very sorry for you - women like you are the same ones who claim ‘I have no women friends, women are jealous (or don't understand me or whatever).’ The real reason you have no women friends is that you are a lousy friend.”
- “I'm sorry that you wasted so much energy on someone who is not at all deserving. Block the bitch, say fuck off, and move on to those that are worthy of your time and energy.”
- “You are too self absorbed to think in those terms. You're truly a selfish little snot.”
- “With friends like her, who needs enemies? Bossy, judgemental, insensitive and uncaring are not on my list of characteristics I look for in friends, no mater where the fuck they live.”
- “She's just not worth it!”
- “She is a shining example of how age does not define maturity.”
- “Please, cut this cancer from your life.”
- “I, for one, truly hope you hurt like hell. It's only fitting.”
- “She's not worth any of this wasted space or time.”
- “You are the lowest of the low.”
Read those again. They are horrible, hurtful, stinging things to say (or allow your friends to say) about someone you once called your good friend. Was that really called for? Just picture it, Jenny sat across a table Saturday night sharing appetizers and drinks with someone whose last communication with her called her a self-centered bitch, foaming rabid dog and told her to “Fuck off”. She is a better woman than I. It seems to me that to stay in Beth’s good graces you have to either agree with every asinine thing she says, constantly tell her she “deserves better”, or beat her up. That’s it! Jenny and I should have jumped her in the parking lot and beat the living shit out of her. Then she’d come to Jenny’s wedding in September and her family would be friendly at sporting events (okay, I had to throw in some sarcasm).
Some of my readers may be wondering why Jenny and I decided to get together with Beth at all, considering what you just read. This is what Beth said to me:
“God this sucks. I hate losing you. I was a psychoticbitch that day and you didn’t deserve it and I wish I could take it all back. I was angry at her and I directed it at you and that was awful of me and I deserve to be publicly lynched.”
We decided to get together in a few weeks, after feelings had some time to heal. Beth, unbeknownst to me, invited Jenny:
“On (date/time), Jennie and I are meeting to discuss what a heinous person I’ve been lately, how this whole mess happened in the first place, and whether any vestige of our friendship is salvageable. If you would like to join us, I think it might be good for everybody in the long run, regardless of the outcome.
E-mail Tone Meter: No sarcasm, no hidden motives, much trepidation. Please interpret as such.
Beth
P.S. I miss you both terribly today for some reason, but it might just be the medication. (okay, I guess there is some sarcasm)”
I thought it would be fair to hear her out, wish her well and suggest she let her friends know up front that sometimes she may become this horribly mean person for no apparent reason and not like them anymore but to just ride it out and it should pass (someone should have let me know and my reaction may have been different when she suddenly hated me). To be honest I knew going in I had no interest in being her friend again. Why would I want to invite that back into my life? My short-lived friendship with her demanded much and offered little and she has many, many friends who give her the support she needs. Way back on March 1st, I said this in an email to Jenny:
“I believe her to be incredibly dishonest, manipulative and cunning person who chooses play a specific role for a desired result. Right now, with us, she is playing the apologetic victim. Then after she gets wants, this strange need of hers to believe everyone is enamored with her, things will be right back to where they were. She will play the role of martyr, posting on her blog that she tried but we failed. Personally, I don't want to play her game anymore. I'm done.”
If nothing else Beth is predictable. Jenny went in to the evening with genuine sincerity, concern about her well being and open to whatever would happen. I did not. I think Jenny was also hoping to come to a place of civility where Beth would no longer feel the need to trash her on her website and invite her friends to gleefully join in. Obviously that did not happen, as you could read if you so desire. Once again Jenny is the bad guy, it’s all her (our) fault. I came to the conclusion long ago that Beth needs a villain in her life allowing her to be a victim. Jenny and I are move valuable to her as foes than as friends.
So we get together on Saturday and for the first several moments, it was predictably uncomfortable; reading the menu with odd focus and determination. Jenny finally broke the strange silence with inquiries on her recently hospitalized uncle, her dying mother, her father, her brother, her brain, her lost book deal, etc. Several times the conversation fell into a pattern that inferred nothing had even occurred which I found very odd:
Jenny: “I love the sauce on this pizza.”
Beth: “My dad has recreated it, I’ll email you the recipe.”
Guess how many times Beth asked either of us about anything going on in our lives? Our husbands, our children, our jobs, our friends…no, no…I’m serious guess. You’re right; ZERO. When Jenny brought this up in an email to Beth the next day, Beth said:
“I didn't need to ask how things were going in your life - you answered those questions without me asking.”
This girl has a self-appreciating and vindicating response for everything. She invited us to dinner to talk about what went wrong in our friendships, and then had the audacity to blame us for not broaching the subject?
“Every time it seemed like the conversation was headed in a direction where we were actually going to talk about what happened, you changed the subject.” -Beth
Are you kidding me? The only response I have to that statement is that is downright untruthful, but it’s what I have come to expect so I will move on. Although to be fair she is right, I didn’t bring up the fact that she called Jenny mean names and suddenly disliked me. I knew if I started to talk about it, the fact that I was pissed off would become apparent. I should have known better, my judgment was off.
Once we moved down to our second location, things got noticeably uncomfortable again as it was becoming clear the evening would soon end without resolution. We struck up a conversation with the guy at the next table who had just left the hockey game and he joined our table, buying us a round of drinks. Our conversation was great with the exception of Beth constantly insulting him and being rudely sarcastic. At one point he referred to us as “Jenny, Jennie and Angry Girl”. I found it comical how quickly a stranger was able to figure her out, it took me months.
They offered a salsa bar with 15 different varieties ranging from sweet to savory to spicy. Several of us chose the spicy and were unprepared with our empty water glasses to cool the burn.
